


Black Thoughts and Bright Laughter

by caochpotata



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Comfort, middle of the night, suicidal thougths, this is written solely for myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26979478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caochpotata/pseuds/caochpotata
Summary: Yeosang sits on a rooftop, staring at the concrete below.The stars lost their charm.
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung & Kang Yeosang
Kudos: 14





	Black Thoughts and Bright Laughter

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the ATEEZ storyline event a couple of months ago.  
> I found it again in my google docs and thought i should share it with more people.

one step.  
it would take the entirety of one single step for yeosang to find his end.  
a single step over the edge of this building, and the pain would be gone.  
and with it the expecting stares of his family, the guilt he felt towards his friends, the doubt at himself.  
everything would just end he he would have his peace at last.

but yeosang wouldn't take this step.  
it would mean he had given in to the pressure that everyone was consciously - or unknowingly - putting him under.  
and yeosang wasn’t one to give in to the nagging feeling to do what he was expected to.

people have told him the sky was pretty. that especially at night it would be one of the prettiest and yet most accessible wonders of the world. to be able to see the stars, the universe, the infinite space that was surrounding their tiny rock they called earth.

but yeosang hadn’t seen it’s beauty in a long time.

not because he wasn’t awake at night - no he spent most his waking hours in the dark, unable to rest from the mess of thoughts running around his mind.

yeosang hadn’t seen the nights sky’s beauty in so long because for him, the sparkling dots had lost their charm. so instead of blankly staring at a mess of lights that didn’t bring satisfaction, he kept his view glued to the ground in front of him.

the ground that laid seven stories below.

sitting at this building’s rooftop edge had been his spot for some time now.  
knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep either way, he had one night opted to just come up here to at least get some fresh air.  
being up here was for sure better than being stuck in his tiny room that seemed to never hold enough air to breath.  
or maybe that was just him being fed up by his current life.

but over the past week and a half, he hadn’t been quite as lonely anymore.  
a boy, around his own age yeosang guessed, had started to pop up on the rooftop on the building across the street. 

at first, yeosang had been annoyed by the presence of the other.  
most times he was on the phone, his laugh had carried over the faint sounds of traffic from two blocks down, and yeosang felt it disruptive to the pleasant white noise that was the city’s night routine.  
and the boy wouldn’t stop laughing once he started.

it had more than once lead to yeosang leaving his spot in favor of returning to his cramped up room. at least there, the sound of laughter and joy was far more quiet, barely noticeable.  
and yet still there.

but last night, something had been different.  
when yeosang had come up to the rooftop, the boy from across the street had already been up there. he had sat at the buildings edge, the same way yeosang would usually do on his.

and he had waved at him.

the boy from across the street had waved at him.

yeosang had been sure that the other must have had noticed him one way or another over the week and a half of them sharing the night across buildings - but this direct acknowledgement of his existence?  
yeosang had been terrified by the action. 

so much so that he promptly had turned around and left.

going back up to the roof tonight had been a tough choice for yeosang.  
he hadn’t been sure what would expect him up there after the embarrassing reaction the night prior.

would the boy sit there and wait for him again? would he show up later in the night? would he never return again?

yeosang had gathered up all the courage he could find in his body and had taken his trip up to the rooftop - just to find it empty. his as well as the one across the street.

so he had opted to sit in his usual spot and wait. see what would happen.

yeosang always lost track of time when he was sitting there, watching the quiet street down below. his thoughts idling around his mind, much slower than they would of he was lying in bed or throughout the day.

it was calming - sitting in comfortable darkness, white noise from the main road a few blocks away, eyes focused on the ground seven stories below.  
it was calming - knowing that he had control.  
that he was alone and everything was under his control.

so unlike his everyday life by day.

so it brought up confusing in yeosang to suddenly hear the door leading to the rooftop open behind him.

someone was there.

in all the nights yeosang had spent on top of the building, not once had he ran into anybody else. it had always been him, the subtle winds and the ground down below.

but it had also been the boy from across the street.

but surely he couldn’t find a way up here, right?

but as yeosang slowly turned around, he saw that exact boy.  
he was just standing there, in the doorway to the roof, staring right back at yeosang.

it was weird. how had he gained access to this building?  
why did he come up here? did he want to talk? to yeosang?  
about what?

yeosang felt uncomfortable in his skin, his existence openly acknowledged by the other. he was seen. openly looked at. 

he didn’t like it.

so he turned back around, his eyes trained back onto the ground seven stories below. listening to what the other would do.

the door to the roof fell close - and for a splitsecond yeosang had hopes the boy would have just turned around and left again.

but the sound of steps carried over to him, crushing his hopes of having just a normal night. a night of just him, the wind and the gorund below.

the boy stopped at the edge, a few paces away from yeosang, clearly sensing the uneasiness yeosang felt. he was thankful that he at least got some space for himself even if it still felt like too little room to properly breath in the company of the other.

“why do you always look down?”

the voice of the boy startled yeosang. it was much calmer than what he had imagined following the laughter he had heard countless times.  
but he also hadn’t expected him to talk at all.

yeosang cleared his throat and heaved a sigh.

“there is nothing else worth looking at”

from the corner of his eye yeosang saw the boy shake his head, look over the edge to the ground below and then back up at the night sky.

“you’re telling me this view isn’t worth it? that you’d rather watch the same grey concrete instead of the secrets of the universe?”

“yes.”

it was the same response he had always gotten when expressing his deinterest in the stars. everyone always tried to prob, to find out the deep dark secret as to why yeosang spent his nights on a rooftop if he didn’t even cared about the view above.

but it was as simple as the rooftop being the only place he had his peace and quiet.  
at least usually.

“what made you lose interest in them?”

now that was a question yeosang hadn’t expected. he wasn’t even sure how to properly answer it to be quite honest. so yeosang stayed silent, eyes wide as he tried to grasp for something to say.

the boy noticed his hesitation and nodded.

“you don’t have to tell me” he whispered. “everyone has a question they don’t want to answer. nobody forces you to tell me what you can’t speak about.”

“what is even up with these questions?” yeosang looked at the boy.

the other shrugged and grinned at yeosang.

“i’m not sure. i’ve been seeing you for a while now and i guess i just got curious enough to finally ask them.”

“oh look, a curious little kid coming to satisfy his need for knowledge” 

the boy huffed at that “i’m not a little kid anymore, you know? we’re actually the same age.”

“and how do you know that?”

“a magician never tells his secrets” 

yeosang stared back with a blank face, but the boy didn’t budge.

“why are you really here?”

the boy let out a sigh, his smile slowly leaving his face as he was looking at yeosang. the gaze made him a bit uneasy - being openly looked at and judged in whatever ran through the boy’s head? it was scary. 

in the end, the boy sighed and took his eyes off of yeosang and back towards the night sky.

“to be fully honest, i was scared.”

“of me?” yeosang didn’t understand.

a shake of the boy’s head. “no, for you.

“i was scared you would jump. when i could be the reason for you not to.”

at that yeosang had to laugh. not just a chuckle or a forced smile, a full on laugh.  
it visibly startled the other boy, who perplexed just stared at yeosang.  
oh how adorable.

“you don’t have to worry about that. if i really would have wanted to, we would have never even met. it’s been on my mind for so long, but i ain’t giving up.”

yeosang suddenly felt tired, his laughing became more forced.

“jumping would mean giving in. giving in to the pressure the world lays upon you. i decided to live out of spite. because these people don’t deserve the satisfaction of knowing they harassed me into giving up.”

a bitter aftertaste was left in his mouth after talking.  
yeosang had been aware of these thoughts for the longest now, but speaking them into reality? for another person to hear?

it gave yeosang chills.

looking at the boy again, yeosang saw that he was stunned into silence.

“nothing to say to that, pretty boy?”

the boy snapped out of his trance. “you think i’m pretty?” 

now it was yeosang’s turn to be stunned into silence.

really? after what yeosang had said, that was the first response the boy could come up with? yeosang was visibly confused.

nevertheless, he nodded.

and got a sly grin in return.

“then maybe i can help you find a different reason to live on? how about we become friend?” the boy strutted towards yeosang, extending a hand.

“may i know your name?”

still perplexed, yeosang took the boy’s hand.

“yeosang”

“nice to meet you yeosang. i’m wooyoung.”

and wooyoung smiled brightly, his eyes turning into crescents that sparkled as if they held stars in them.

maybe yeosang could find the beauty of the universe again.


End file.
